I am Furniture
by Little Miss Apocalypse
Summary: It's been a few years sense Total Drama. Gwen still has conflicting feelings for Duncan. It doesn't help that they, along with Reaper, and Trent have joined forces in starting a super awesome punk rock band. Will Courtney continue to get in the way of the two? Or will they stand up to her once and for all? Rated T for now, Thinking about changing it. Feedback please?
1. Chapter 1

Although it was technically morning the sun hadn't come up yet. I was still awake in my room, working on my latest paining and on the phone with a rather confused friend.

"It's like she just doesn't give a fuck, you know?" He said again with anger in his normally calm voice. I sighed and whipped some red go-paint across the canvas.

"What does she get? I honestly don't know why you bother with her. She acts like a total bitch at the best of times."

I herd him clear his throat to hide a laugh before he said "Try not to let your jealousy show to much there Sunshine."

I hate that nickname. Sighing, I ignored it.

"I'm not jealous. I'm just saying that she dictates everything that you do. You were even going to cut off your mow hawk because of her." Realizing to late that I was ranting, I shut up. He didn't immediately reply so I contented.

"You two have been dating off and on for almost four years now. What has she done but try in every way to change you. I hate watching you go through this. It's not healthy."

I herd my door open and saw my roommates head pop in my doorway.

"Hold on a second, okay Duncan."

I looked at Pixie Corps and she gave me a lopsided smile before sitting on the edge of my bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked and she just nonchalantly looked away. This let me know that she was listening to mine and Duncan's conversation.

I herd music turn on in Duncan's room. He was getting impatient.

"Look, can I call you back?"

He yawned a "Yeah," and said "you know I'll be awake."

I hung up and turned my attention to my roommate.

"Um…?" I began before Pixie stopped me by saying "You totally have a thing for him!"

I could instantly feel a blush creeping on my neck.

"I do not. I just don't much like his girlfriend."

She rolled her eyes but agreed. "Courtney is a bitch at the best of times." I nodded.

"Hey, remember when you were seventeen and kissed on the plain?"

I started pealing a poster off my wall to distract myself from where the conversation was going. Why would she bring this up?

"Yeah, what about it?"

"You haven't been the same sense that day, have you?"

I looked away from her. She was right. I had changed a lot just from that one day. I tried to put on a front for the cameras. But it was just so awkward. Realizing that I had these doormat feelings for one of my best friends and that I just fucked everything up all in a few seconds. Not to mention the fact that I continued to make the same mistake over and over again to the point that I was practically a sucker on a string that he was dragging around with him everywhere he went. To this day I don't think that he has any idea how awkward it has been for me. I never really talk about it with anyone. Even though it has been four years, I remember everything perfectly.

With a lopsided smile she said "He looked more happy in those few episodes I saw than he ever did with Courtney. And I know you wish he would have never got back with her."

I looked at my painting, that was now nothing more than random blobs on a canvas.

"You haven't even dated anyone in the past four years. All of us, including Duncan has noticed that."

I put my brush down and looked at her. "It's not like I can do anything about it."

She sighed and began fiddling with her fingerless gloves.

"Go after him!"


	2. DIY Lobotomy

The next morning I woke up to the sound of heavy rain. Although I do like the gloomy weather, it always makes me so tired. I bit my lip as I herd Reaper and Pixie downstairs talking. Hopping that I can avoid nagging for a while longer, I grabbed my stuff and headed for a shower.

I closed and locked the door to my rather large bathroom. The three of us lived in an older Victorian style house that had been remodeled with some of the original parts. The claw bathtub was still there, just refinished with a shower attachment.

After I got out of my shower I fluffed out my short black on teal hair. For some reason a lot of people expected me to grow out of my "goth" stage and have a natural hair color. I'm not really sure why they think that though. I guess people assume that it's just strictly a fashion thing. I think that's stupid.

So, I pull on a pair of black skinny jeans and an Evil Dead t shirt, do my makeup in my normal charcoal black, spike my now short hair into a foehwak and make my way downstairs.

Once I get into the kitchen, I see Pixie, Reaper and Trent standing around drinking coffee.

"Morning." Trent greats though bites of a bagel. I nod to him. He and I got over things after we got out of high school. There was really no point of holding a grudge after we didn't care about what happened anymore. It's better to just grow up and move on.

Pixie and Reaper were acting like they were avoiding me, which just wouldn't do.

"So, what are you two being so quiet about?"

Reaper pulled out a cigarette and began lightly banging it on the table. He always did that when he was nervous. Pixie was messing with her mesh gloves again and looked everywhere but at me.

"Trent? What's going on?" I asked knowing that he was most likely to crack under pressure.

"Um…what do you mean?" He began shoving his half eaten bagel into his mouth to avoid talking to me.

"And why are all of you up and dressed…and why are you even here? Don't you have your own apartment? Oh god! This is an intervention isn't it?"

They all looked at there feet. I folded my arms across my chest and tapped my combat boots on the tile. Still no answer. I then started tugging at my stretched ears in frustration and grabbed a cup of coffee.

Pixie was the first to speak. "I think that we've come up with a way to let Duncan know how you feel without blurting it out like a damn idiot."

"Hum…I was thinking that I should just let it go, but what is your brilliant idea?"

"Well, remember when I wrote that breakup song for Heather when we were nineteen?" Trent finally spoke up. I just arched my eyebrow.

"Are you suggesting that I write Duncan a breakup song? Because that's sort'a a step in the wrong direction. And if you think that we're putting it on the set list for our next gig then you're all retarded."

Pixie put her face in her hands. "No, I think that you should write a song for him. It doesn't have to confess your attraction, but it could make him start thinking differently about you."

I ran my hand through my short hair and said "That's not a very good idea, but I think that we should write some new stuff. I'm getting sick of doing Decedents covers."

"There's nothing wrong with the Decedents!" Reaper yelled with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth."

His comment was ignored. "When is practice anyway?" I asked Trent.

"Whenever Duncan gets here?" I sighed. This was going to be awkward, but I might as well explain some things.

When Trent, Reaper, Duncan, and I graduated we started this band. For the longest time it didn't have a name until I came up with it out of nowhere. All of us played instruments of some kind, but thought that we all had way to different taste in music. Duncan got me way into punk rock after we became friends and found out that he Reaper, and I went to the same school. And we pretty much talked Trent into it because he's an amazing guitarist and we didn't feel like having auditions. Thus DIY Lobotomy was born.

I've played bass sense I was twelve but never really told anyone because chicks don't usually play bass and it made me feel weird. Which is why I never took my bass on any of the shows. Back to the present now.

"What time is it anyway? Like ten?" I asked. Just then I herd my front door open and Duncan said "It's almost noon Sunshine, get a watch." Typical Duncan.

"Where's the leash and the owner?" Reaper asked. Receiving a "fuck you." and a projectile drumstick from Duncan. You can guess what instrument he plays.

The four of us went down into the basement where we practiced and began tuning setting up our stuff. That's when Duncan's phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Hello?" Screaming could be herd on the other end. Three guesses who he was talking to.

"Courtney, I can't help it if we have a show in New York and you can't go. You don't like the band anyway." There was more screeching. "I'm not going to kick Gwen out just because you can't get over something that happened like five years ago, that's total bull shit!" More incoherent yelling. "She's an amazing bassets, and yes that's a very important part in a band."

Duncan hung up his phone and shut it off. Everyone in the room was looking at him.

"What the fuck are you guys looking at? Lets make some fucking noise!"


	3. Mercy Me

**MERCY ME **

We practiced for a few hours before we herd a loud shrieking from outside. I was the first to stop and look around.

"What is that ungodly noise?" I asked no on in particular. Everyone just shrugged.

Then we herd "Duncan! Get your ass out here and talk to me know!"

There were blank expressions on everyone's faces.

"I think that it's safe to assume that it's the harpy." Reaper replied in an untimely fashion.

Duncan sighed and opened the door that lead outside into the side yard. This wasn't going to be pretty.

The rest of us dropped out instruments and went to listen in on the conversation.

"This is all her fault! If you weren't in a stupid band with her you wouldn't be acting this way. I want you to quit. There's no way that you need to be going to New York with her anyway. It's way to far away."

Trent poked me and whispered "We need to do something. There's no way that we can find a drummer as good before the show next week."

"Fuck off Trent. I know." Was all I said.

"Courtney, I'm not quitting the band. I understand that you have a six year grudge against Gwen, but you need to get the fuck over yourself!"

She went red in the face and shouted a "How dare you!" before he held up his hand and said "Let me finish." He lit a cigarette and continued.

"It's not Gwen's fault that you have control issues. I'm not quitting. It would be way to hard to find a new drummer in under a week. I'm not going to kick Gwen out either. For one, it's practically her band. For two, she's an amazing bassist, and for three, I shouldn't have to do something just because you say so."

Courtney folded her arms and put her nose in the air. "I hate that you smoke. Why do you even bother?"

"Don't change the subject." Was all he replied. He then took a long vindictive drag from his cigarette before he continued. 'New York is only about a six hour drive too. It's not like we still live in Canada, where it was a pain in the ass to get into the states every time we had a show."

She pouted some more before finally giving in. Duncan took no note of her submission.

He sighed and blew smoke out of his nose and said "I know that you still don't trust her. But you have to let shit go. You're letting it take over your life and it's becoming really annoying."

Courtney then looked up at him with the saddest face that she could muster. "Are we still broken up?" This just made things awkward. Duncan starched the back of his neck and took another short puff from his cigarette.

"For now. Just let me think things through. If you can prove to me that you're going to let go of your grudge and stop being a crazy person, then I might consider being with you again."

Courtney then leaped onto Duncan in an odd hug type thing.

"You can go finish practice now." She said with an unintentional psychotic smile.

"What the fuck man?" Reaper asked. Duncan looked up, confused and slightly annoyed. "What?"

"I thought that you were going to get rid of her? You know damn well she's not going to change. I mean, does she even put out anymore?"

Duncan's face went purple with rage but tried to keep his composure.

"That's really none of your business, "

Reaper rolled his eyes and looked at me. I don't think I had ever felt more paranoid in my life. I ignored it and took a drink of my beer.

"I bet Gwen would fuck you all the time."

I spit out my beer all over Trent, who was sitting beside me. This caused everyone to laugh.

"I fucking hate you guys." Was all I said as I stood up and walked out of the room.

Pixie was sitting in the kitchen when I came out of the basement.

"You look boring." I said as I took one last swig of my Blue Ribbon. She mocked a sigh and we both laughed.

"So, what does my little necromancer want to do on this horrific evening?" Although Pixie Corps was the only one out of all of us that hasn't completely evolved out of the 'goth' stage, she couldn't scowl for shit. Which was hilarious to me.

"Well," she begain while putting a pasty finger to her chin. "There is a horror punk band playing at Burnie's tonight. They're sapost'a be one the set list for your next show."

I sat next to her and mocked her pose. "And I do love me some horror punk. What time are they on?"

"I think around tenish."

I checked my watch. That's in like an hour. let's go put slutty cloths on. Pixie laughed and fallowed me upstairs.

I put on my short leopard print Minnie shirt and a ripped up Distillers shirt. Pixie rocked her shredded plad dress with goth band patched all over it. Both of us had our respected combat boots.

When we walked downstairs all the boys were in the living room smashing beers.

"Ready?" I called. They turned their heads and I saw Reapers jaw drop when he saw Pixie. I tried not to look at Duncan. I knew Pixie would do that for me.

"And where are you two going tonight?" Trent asked, while obviously checking us out.

"All of us are going to the bar to check out this band. There sapost'a be really awesome. And their on the set list for our next gig."

Without really saying anything we all got into Reapers van and drove down to the bar. Nothing was really said on the way there. I was kind'a bummed that Duncan sat upfront and talked about NOFX the whole time though.

Once we got in there Duncan went straight to the bar and ordered a round of double whisky-coke-no ices. For some reason that was his favorite drink, even though it tasted like pure death.

A few days went buy with next to no excitement. Duncan bitched about Courtney a little, but that was nothing really new.

I was sitting on my couch flipping though a magazine when I felt someone looming over my shoulder.

"You know, I hear there new album sounds a lot like the Clash." I sighed and closed the book.

"I hate when you do that." He just grinned and clapped his hands together. This meant that he had a random plan. Probably not a good one.

"How about we go get tattoos."

I arched my eyebrow.

"It scares me when you're in a good mode sometimes." I fixed myself into the sitting position and looked at him. His smile didn't fade.

"You really want to get more tattoos? I don't think that you even have room left." Duncan was practically covered in random tattoos. I had a few, but no where near as many as him.

"Well, you could always get another piercing, we all know how you love having holes in your head." He teased.

"I don't think I have that many." I looked down, attempting to hide my face.

"Lets see, you have your ears stretched to an inch, a septum ring, your cheeks pierced, and spider bites." He poked piece of jewelry on my face as her said this. And then something weird happened. As he mentioned my lip ring, he began to inch closer and closer to my face. I could feel the blush creeping up my face and making my whole body feel hot. His lips parted and I started to migrate towards him, it seemed like it took forever.

Just before our lips met we herd the door slam open and Trent yelled "We're on the set list for tonight!"

Duncan and I backed away awkwardly and rushed over to Trent to see the flyer that he held so proudly. There it was, clear as day. DIY Lobotomy was due to go on as the third band.

"That's fucking awesome. That's when most of the people start piling in for the main band." Trent announced again as if what he was saying was something we didn't already know.

"Is it all local?" I asked, trying to get him to talk about anything other than what Duncan and I were doing before he got there.

"I think so, other than the touring band. Something about tigers. I think there a psychobilly band."


	4. Drain The Blood

It was only a few hours before the set, and so far everything was going as planed. All the band equipment was loaded into Reapers pedo-van and we even made a few cd's to sell if anyone actually liked our sound. And just as we were leaving I saw her.

Standing at the end out the drive way. "Courtney?" Duncan shrieked more than questioned.

"Run her over! We got shit to do, and no one has time to deal with crazy right now." I said, pushing on Reapers shoulder from the back seat.

"Just get out and deal with her real fast. Tell her anything, just hurry up." Trent said. We all wanted to just run her over instead.

Without thinking, I jumped out of the van and walked up to her.

I could hear Duncan going on about how bad this was going to be.

"What do you want, Gothy?" Courtney spat at me.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I want you to stop being a child. I also want you to get the fuck away from my house before I call the cops. you're not dealing with Duncan today Princess, I don't have time for your crazy. So, you have two options. Either be the child we all know you are and throw a temper tantrum until the cops show up, or get the fuck away from me before this big ass van runs you down."

I could see every drop of blood in her body going to her face. Before she had time to say anything I pulled out my phone.

"I'm not fucking around with you today. We have a show to get to, and equipment to unload. Whatever you have to bitch to Duncan about can wait until after the show. Now get the fuck out of my way."

Without even looking to see if she listened, I went back into the van.

"Marry me?" Duncan said as I slammed the door. I rolled my eyes but smiled none the less.

"Take care of her first." Was all I replied.

The drive was mostly silent. No one really talked much. There was the faint sound of the radio, and Trent messing with a guitar string. Duncan seemed to sigh heavily every other second. When we got there the place was decently packed. Reaper hunted down the sound guy and told him what was up. Trent went to talk to some of the other bands and Duncan dragged me to the bar.

"Double whisky-cock-no ice." He blurted out.

The bar tender nodded and so did his mohawk.

"And for the lady?"

I thought for a moment. "What kind of rum do you have?" I was really hoping that they had anything other than Caption Morgan. It's such an over commercialized liquor.

"We got the Sailor, if that's what you mean."

I smiled wide. Sailor Jerry's is my all time favorite.

"A shot of that and a rum and coke then."

We showed our ID's and got our drinks. By then the first band had set up and was about to go on. Duncan was already on his third drink and I was feel a small buzz.

"They're pretty rad!" He said over the noise and put his arm around me. Trying not to blush, I nodded and yelled back "How many bands are playing tonight?" He held up five fingers. This meant that there would be more people here than this. That's always a good thing.

The second band came on not long after and I saw Trent wave at me and motion for us to head over. "Gotta start seating up!" I told Duncan, who nodded.

"What's our time?" I asked when we were all in the same place.

"Fifteen." Reaper said between swigs of his tall boy. He was getting nervous.

"Wow, that gives us time to add a song." Duncan announced. We all gave him a _'no shit' _look.

"What will it be boys?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. It was quiet for a moment, then Reaper spoke. "How about you sing?" "Are you sure? We never even practiced with me as a lead…" I started to say. "Don't worry, you totally got this!" Duncan shouted over my shoulder."

In what seemed like no time at all, we were shoved on stage, and Trent was announcing our band. We blew through our first original song, then lead right into a misfits cover. Everyone seemed to be loving it. I could feel my face getting hot with nerves. I knew that I would have to sing soon. At least they let me do another cover. There was no way that I was going to do an original for this crowd. Not yet anyways.

And just like that it was happening. Reaper stepped back from the mic and Trent smiled knowingly at me.

"Do you all wanna here our pretty little bassist sing you a lullaby?" Reaper asked the crowd. They responded with loud chears and whistles. My blush grew. And just like that Trent was shredding off some rifts.

_ I'm living on shattered faith_

_ The kind that likes to restrict your breath_

_Never been a better time than this_

_Suffocate on eternal bliss_

The more I sand the more relaxed I began to feel. The crowd seemed to love it. That really helped with my stage fright, and it was beginning to radiate to my band mates. I felt so at peace at this moment, I almost didn't want it to end.

_ In a city that swells with so much hate_

_ You seem to rise above_

_ And take its place_

_ The heat pumps until it dies_

_ Drain the blood_

_ The heart is wise!_

I could almost feel Duncan smile from behind me as I hit every note on my bass. I really felt like we were doing a great job on this song. We never practiced, I didn't even think they knew this song. _All my friends are murder_

_ All my bones no marrow in All these fiends want teenage meat_

_ All my friends are murder away_

_ I never met a pearl like you Who could shimmer and rot at the same time through There's never been a better time like this_

_ To bite the hand of the frost bitten eminence _I began to sway my hips in time with my singing as I lost myself. It was almost like a drug how awesome this felt. All this time of hiding behind my bass and now I know exactly how Reaper feels when he talks about getting high off the mic.

_ I'm alive in uterine _

_ A star in the dark a new day has dawn_

_ Open up and let it flow_

_ I'll make it your so here we go All my friends are murder_

_ All my bones no marrow in All these fiends want teenage meat_

_ All my friends are murder away _

_ He's gone away!_

After that I bowed and Trent smiled at me as Reaper spit water into the crowd. That was our last song of the night. I almost didn't want to get off stage. To bad opening acts couldn't do encores. I put my bass down and was engulfed into a bear hug.

"Oh, hi? Thanks, random person." I couldn't exactly tell who was hugging me. All I could see was a black tee shirt.

"Oh, Gwenny, I thought we were more than that."

I looked up to see the coy grin of Duncan. I could already feel the blush forming on my face.

"You were amazing tonight. I never knew that you could sing. Let alone give Miss Brody Dalle a run for her money."

I kicked the ground nervously at the complement. "Thanks Duncan. That really means a lot. I was really nervous about it." He pulled me closer into the hug. I could feel his heart beat as he breathed a heavy sigh.

"You really were amazing. I almost want you to be the lead singer now."

"And we can do nothing but Distillers covers." I replied teasingly.

Just then he pulled away and looked at me. Seriously looking me over. Then his face seemed to lean into mine. Without thinking I did the same thing.

The kiss was short, but no were near as sloppy as when we kissed on Total Drama. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. Instinctively, I cupped his face to drag him closer to my mouth.

I felt very at peace with this kiss. That was until I herd someone clear their thought loudly to get out attention.

_ "_Pixie!"I blurted out, still holding onto Duncan.

"In the flesh." She replied. We couldn't help but smile.

"I came to congratulate you on an amazing show, but I think Duncan beat me to it.

His grin widened as he said "If you want to pick up where I left off I'll gladly trade you spots." We both rolled our eyes and laughed as the three of us headed back to the bar to see the other acts.+


	5. Hope Is For People

**So, I know that I totally suck at updating this story and all. But since it's getting to the end of the year, I have a lot more free time. Not gonna lie, it's been a little crazy. Hopefully I'll be able to update and add some more chapters soon. If there's anything that you readers would like to see in the story don't be afraid to say so. I do need some inspiration.**  
><strong> Also, not sure if any of you have noticed but every chapter title is based off of a song from a punk band. I was thinking that if anyone could guess the band then I'll give them a shout out in my next chapter. And maybe even make you into a small character in my story. Havent really worked out the details quit yet. Let me know what you think. :D<strong>

The ride back to the house was a surprisingly quiet one. There was the faint sound of Duncan tapping his feet in the back seat, and the soft hum of the radio. It was well passed midnight when we finally left the small dive bar, so we were more focused on maintaining a legal speed than really anything else since we were all drinking. None of us really needed a ticket. Looking out the passenger side window, I could see that it was starting to snow. It was already mid October, so the nights were colder. That's one thing I grew to love about Ohio. It wasn't a whole lot different than Canada when it came to the weather.  
>Trent finally started to talk when we got to the house. His big thing was how much we made off the show. Quite a few people bought cd's, buttons, and shirts. Plus we got a cut from the bar. Normally we don't get more than a few hundred. But tonight was a good night.<br>I stuck around with Trent and Reaper, mainly to avoid Duncan. I have never been good at confrontation. Even though I didn't think he would want to talk about what happened tonight. I was going to play it safe.  
>Luckily, he was busy unloading his drum set, and smoking. It seemed as though the cold was hitting him too as he zipped up his leather jacket and tugged his beanie over his flattened Mohawk. "So, when are you going to talk to him?" Pixie asked, sweeping her purple hair out of her eyes. The scarf around her neck danced in the wind the whole time.<br>I sighed and pulled out a cigarette, but didn't light it.  
>"What would I even say to him? This is already a disaster."<br>She just shrugged and grabbed one of the mic stands.  
>I looked back at Duncan, who was clapping his hands together to keep him warm. I must have been standing there for longer than I thought because Trent cleared his throat behind me. "What?"<br>"You still haven't lit your cancer stick." He held up a grungy Zippo to me and I took a long drag. As I listened to the thin paper burning I thought about what would happen if Duncan and I became more than friends.  
>"Just talk to him. It's not like you two never kissed before."<br>"How did you know that we kissed?"  
>Trent looked at Pixie than awkwardly walked away.<br>I sighed and took another long drag from my cigarette. I knew that something had to be done about this or we would be awkward forever.  
>I walked up to him as causally as possible.<br>"Hey, give me a hand?" He said while thrusting equipment at me. I just nodded and carried random things into the basement.  
>"Thanks." Was all he said. And that's when I blurted out<br>"What's going on between us?"  
>He looked at me for a long time before he said "Nothing, just having some fun."<br>"So, this is just fun for you? That's it? You're going to play me and Courtney until one of us goes crazy? This isn't fun, and it isn't fair."  
>"Hey, chill." Duncan put his hands up defensively. "That's not what I meant. I'm just saying that I don't want to take myself to seriously is all. Maybe I was caught up in the moment. Maybe it was your singing, I don't know. I just know that I liked it."<br>With that I calmed down. In Duncan's own way, that was really sweet. Even though he makes it sound like he's just defending himself.

Taking one last puff, I put out the burning cigarette. "I guess my big secret is out."

"It wasn't really that big of a secret. I knew the whole time." As he said this, he proceeded to put his hands on his hips and do a Superman pose.

"Bull shit." I laughed as he gave me a small kiss on the cheek.


	6. Two Coffins

The lighting was too low to see the band that was playing. You could hear the wind blowing outside over the shitty PA system. I gulped down more stale whisky as the local band droned on with another lame song.

They were part of the Battle of the Bands that we were facing off against next week. So far, they would be lucky to make it past the first round. Syfy punk bands about robots taking over don't really seem to make it that far.

Taking one last swig of my drink, I got up and wrapped my tattered scarf around my neck and walked out of the dive bar.

The cold November air hit me hard as I closed the metal door. The wind seemed stronger than normal tonight.

I sighed and lit a cigarette. It's strange walking around downtown by yourself sometimes. Some nights, I just don't feel like telling anyone where I'm going. I've been doing that a lot lately.

I walked to my car with my arms crossed and my head down. No one usually said anything to me when I walked like this, just the way I like it. I looked unapproachable, even to the creeps that always seem to be lingering around.

The inside of my car was cold. The engine turned and heat blasted my face. I just sat there for a while, staring out the window at nothing.

"Five years." I whispered to myself.

It had been five years since I found my brother in his room, laying lifeless next to his bed and covered in blood. The gun was still warm when I got there. I stood in silence for what seemed like hours just string at him. I kept thinking over and over in my head that this was just some kind of fucked up bad dream. There was no way that he could be dead.

For years I've been telling my mother that it was a bad idea to have joint custody with my father. I've been telling her that my brother would come home with bruises in places that were normally hidden by cloths, or ones that he could seamlessly blame on sports accidents. He stopped using that excuse when he quit soccer three years before the incident.

My mom never seemed to listen, even though she left my father for the very same reason. She didn't want to believe that he would do the same to my brother. Of that he would do the same to me.

When I started the show, I never went back to my father. Unfortunately, my brother didn't have the escape that I did. And since he was younger than I was, he couldn't make the same choices.

So, two days after I came home from my final episode he killed himself. What was worse was that he had sever bruising on his ribs from our dad. Sometimes I wonder if he would have died anyway from not getting his injuries treated and just pretending that it was something that he did by "accident" or worse that it was something that he deserved.

I realized that I was sitting in my car for almost an hour and gripped the steering wheel. The drive home was short, since there were few people out this late. I pulled into our weird drive way and closed my car door as quietly as I could.

"Feel any better?" I gasped and spun my head around to lock eyes with Duncan.

"What?" I played dumb, even though he knew what was wrong. He didn't know all the details. No one but Pixie knew the whole story. But Duncan knew enough. And he knew that this was a particularly hard day for me. Duncan didn't reply. He just walked over and wrapped me in a hug. I really tried not to cry in front of people. Especially about this, I wanted to be strong for the people that needed me. I really wanted to cry with my mom at the funeral, which had to be a closed casket. I really wanted to cry when we had to go to grief counseling, but my mom needed me to lean on. I really wanted to cry when my friends asked me if I was okay when I finally went back to school, and when people that didn't know would ask where my brother was. But instead I was angry. Instead I would yell at them for asking and storm off. Leaving my friends to vaguely explain. Instead I would stay in my room a lot. I tried to distract myself with anything that I could. I threw myself into painting more. I distracted myself with music. Hell, it was even my idea to start a band.

But none of that seemed like it would be enough. So, two years after my brother's death I would wait until it was really late at night and I knew that no one was awake I would cut. Just like I knew that my brother had been doing for years. In places that no one would ever think to look.

Everyone thought that it was strange that I would never wear shorts or go swimming anymore. But no one questioned me either. I would just say that I didn't want to tan and the subject was dropped. Years went by and no one has questioned me.

The way that Duncan held me made me feel fragile and week all over again. I really wanted to push him away but I felt like my limbs were made of lead. All I could do was stand there and stare at nothing.

The wind cut through me like a knife and pulled me out of my trance.

"What?" I said, lamely.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" I nodded.

Before I knew it we were in Duncan's beat up car with the heat blasting. I played with his radio while he drove.

"Looks like snow." I said as I found the song I wanted to hear. Duncan just smiled in reply.

Before long we were at an old nature trail. It's empty at night for obvious reasons, but the snow made it look pretty. Duncan didn't turn off the car.

"You're not going to do anything, are you?"

"Like what?" I asked, not picking up on what he was trying to get across.

"Fallow him." He replied cryptically.

I didn't answer for a while. I did anything that would distract myself from answering. Playing with my bangs, tugging at my hat. Even chewing on the filter of my unlit cigarette.

"Don't play dumb. I know what goes on in your room when you think everyone's asleep. These walls are thin, Sunshine."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I glared and buried my face in my coat.

"I know that you've covered most of your scars with tattoos. I know why you don't wear shorts anymore. I know more than you think, Gwen."

We were quite again. I stared out the window at the falling snow. He played with the radio.

"Please don't tell anyone. I'm not going to kill myself." I couldn't look at him. There's no way that I could face him after my confession. I thought that he hated me know. I thought that he would tell everyone and that I would be kicked out of the band. They would somehow replace me with Courtney and they would become a Taylor Swift cover band. That thought did make me want to kill myself. Comically, of course.

What I didn't expect was for him to wrap his arms around me in a hug. Or for him to sniffle and say that "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. You're my best friend and it really hurts that you thought you had to keep all of this a secret. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know that I'm not far away."

At this point I couldn't help it. The tears came in floods. I didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything. I just sobbed into Duncan's chest like a child. And he let me. He pulled me closer to him and began stroking my hair. I knew that I looked like a total mess, but I didn't care. I was so overcome with sadness that I didn't even think to be embarrassed that my makeup was smeared, or that my hair smelled like shit. I just wanted him to comfort me. And that he did. Who knew that he could be such a softy?

After what seemed like forever, I calmed down. Duncan never let go of me. I whipped my eyes on my coat sleeve and cleared my throat.

"I think I'm okay now. Thanks." I croaked out. He just smiled.

"Any time. Ready to go home?" I nodded, meekly.

When we got home I sat on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me. I could hear the tea kettle softly hissing from the kitchen as Duncan prepared hot chocolate. Such a softy.

He came back moments later with two steaming mugs. As soon as he sat down, he pulled me close to him so that his arm was wrapped around me and my head was tucked under his chin.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" He asked while blowing on his mug.

"No." I answered honestly. "I don't think that I'll ever be okay. But I feel a lot better now." I continued, grabbing my own mug.

He started stroking my hair again and I nuzzled into him.


	7. Rest In Pissedoffness

Hey people. Now that I have a working laptop and my life isn't crazy I'll be able to update way more. Just a reminder that I don't own anything pertaining to Total Drama (trust, that if I did, it wouldn't have become so unbearably awful after/during World Tour) or any of the songs/bands that are mentioned apart from DIY Lobotomy. The song in this chapter is called RIP (hints the title.) And it's by Bikini Kill, they are one of my favorite bands. Thanks for reading and I hope that you enjoy. :3

The pub we were at the next night was filled with smoke and the PA system sucked. I didn't really care. The short in my bass amp sounded kind'a cool when I slapped it. Duncan seemed to slam on his drums harder than normal tonight.

We were leaving for New York in the morning. This gig was kind'a last minute. One of the opening bands canceled, a member got sick or something.

I screamed into the backup mic and scanned the crowd. I saw Pixie near the front with a few of her work friends and Courtney scowling in the corner gripping a drink.

Rolling my eyes, I stepped back for Trent to do a mini guitar solo. We shared a mic as Reaper started ending the song.

"Alright guys, we got one more song before we split. Who wants to hear something sad?" Reaper asked the crowd. They awkwardly cheered.

This song was planned on the way to the bar. Since my singing was a huge success during our last show; Reaper wanted to do more of that.

I took a heavy sigh as I walked up to the stage and started to sing.

"I can't say everything about it  
>In just one single song<br>I can't put how I feel in a package  
>And sell it back to everyone"<p>

The light that shined on me seemed too bright as I slowly picked my bass. I didn't look at the crowd, not really. I just stared at the door. Damn, I wanted to leave.

"But wait  
>There's another boy genius who's fucking gone!<br>I hope the food tastes better in heaven  
>I know there's lots of rad queer boys up there<br>I hope every time they talk to you  
>They know they're lucky to be your friend<p>

Cuz look  
>There's another boy genius who's fucking gone<br>And I wouldn't be so fucking mad so fucking  
>Pissed off if it wasn't so fucking wrong<br>It's all fucking wrong  
>It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair" I paused and looked around the room again. Pixie still looked happy, but she also looked empathetic. She knew more than anyone what this song was about.<p>

Then I looked at Courtney. She still had that angry constipated look to her. But she didn't have a death grip on her drink anymore. I guess that was good.  
>"But no one said life was easy<br>Yeah, but no one said, no one said  
>Nothing's supposed to happen right?<br>No, no one told me anything  
>To prepare me for fucking this<p>

There's another boy genius who's fucking gone  
>Don't tell me it don't matter<br>Don't tell me I've had three days to get over it  
>It won't go away<br>It just won't go away"

I didn't bother waiting for the crowd's approval and backed away from the spotlight. I guess they were cheering.

I could hear everyone else cleaning up the set. Without realizing I still had it, I set my bass down. I took a deep breath and pulled out a cigarette.

"There you are. You did amazing!" Pixie shouted, pushing her way through people.

"Hey." I said, still holding my cigarette.

"You okay?" She put her hand on my shoulder. I nodded.

Pixie looked like she was going to say something, but the rest of the band came out and she straightened her clothes out instead.

"Hey, there she is!" Reaper yelled and lightly punched me in the arm.

"We may just make you the new singer." Trent complimented.

Duncan turned to Reaper and said "You're out. Bye."

"Don't be a dick." Reaper replied and shoved him.

After some more bickering, we made our way out of the bar and into the cold night air.

Duncan draped his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled my hair. "You really were great tonight." He slurred. I could smell the cheap vodka on his breath.

"Oh, shut up." I blushed and leaned into him.

"So, it looks like you've made your decision." Courtney was leaning against Reapers van, one foot propped on the door.

"Fuck…" Duncan mumbled. She just smirked.

"I can't do this tonight, Princess. I'm sure you'll still be crazy when we get back in a few days.

"No, Duncan. We're doing this now. I don't care about any lame excuse that you have. We're discussing this now!" She was like a vulture, stalking her pray and waiting for it to die. Just like their relationship.

"Fine." He threw his hands up. "I chose Gwen."

No one expected that. Not me, not the band, and certainly not Courtney.

"What the fuck!" She blurted out.

"You chose her?" You fucking choose her?" She screeched while viciously pointing at me.

"Why? She has nothing. She's got more baggage than a homeless person, and she's…"

"Not a fucking lunatic." Duncan defended.

"She's smarter than you'll ever know, and she doesn't make me feel stupid. She doesn't get mad when I call her sunshine, or Wednesday Addams. She laughs at my stupid jokes. She's ten times better than you at giving advice. And she fucking listens to me. All of these things, you never even fucking attempted to do. You don't give a fuck about me. I'm just another project to you. I'm just another thing that needs fixed in your eyes. Gwen never tried to change me. That's all you've tried to do. So fuck you Courtney. I'd choose Gwen over you any day."

No one said anything for a long while. Trent cleared his throat awkwardly and Reaper shuffled his feet. I thought Courtney was frozen in shock. Duncan had never gone off on her to this extent before.

Finally, she moved. "Okay…fine. If that's how you really feel. Okay." She took a deep breath, then pulled out a pocket knife. Duncan's pocket knife that went missing a few days ago. She laughed a little as she looked at it.

"Oh, fuck. She really has gone nuts." Trent mumbled. Duncan stood in front of me, expecting her to attack. She never did. Instead she stabbed the back tire of the van.

"What the fuck?" Reaper yelled. "You crazy bitch. That's not even Duncan's car."

"You think I don't know that? It's your ride to the concert tomorrow. Now all of you are fucked. And you have your little drummer boy and that slut of a bassist to thank."

I don't know what came over me. One second I was frozen in fear, the next I was burning with hate. It hardly even registered when my fist met her jaw. The only thing that I saw was red. Courtney's pretty little face was busted wide open and Duncan was pulling me off of her. I was kicking and screaming the whole time. She just looked up at me, completely in shock. She thought she had me scared, all she had was my anger.


	8. The Backseat

It didn't take as long as I thought to get the tire fixed. We would be on the road in about two hours. Reaper was on the phone practically all morning while we got packed and ready to go.

"I still can't believe that crazy bitch." Reaper mumbled after he got off the phone with a local body shop.

Sulking on the couch, I combed a hand through my hair and chewed on my lip. This was all to eventful for me. Duncan sank into the seat next to me.

"Hey." He greeted with a cigarette between his teeth.

I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile. His hair was all flattened to one side from sleeping on the couch. He was still in the same cloths from last night and he smelled like a bar.

"Your hand okay? I thought you were going to break her jaw last night." He continued, pulling a beanie over his hair.

"I really wanted to, she has it coming." I confessed.

He leaned into me and kissed my hair. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. He may be a gutter punk who smelled like cheap whisky and stale cigarettes, but he was mine. For right now, anyway.

"Thanks." He whispered into my hair.

In one swift motion, Duncan had my chin in his hand and was leaning towards me for a soft kiss. I could feel him smile as we parted.

Just as we pulled away, Trent came into the living room and threw a guitar pick at Duncan's head and yelled at him to take a shower.

"You do smell like a bar." I teased.

Within the hour we were all in the van and ready to head out to New York.

"Fingers crossed that we don't run into the harpy lady this time." Reaper said from the drivers seat.

"She probably can't talk anyway thanks to Gwen." Trent snickered.

"Yeah, I think I broke my hand on her thick skull."

We pulled out of the drive way and I put my head phones in.

Snow had just stared to fall as I looked out the window. Pixie was standing on the porch with a coffee mug in her hands. I could almost hear the metal in her cheeks clink as she smiled. This gig was going to be awesome.

"How far of a drive is it to the hotel?" Duncan asked when we reached the highway.

"You're going to hate this but it's like eight hours." Trent yelled back.

"Bullshit." Duncan mumbled and sank into his seat. I just laughed and picked at my hand.

"Don't do that. It'll scar." Duncan warned.

"And I'm so super worried about that. It's not like the rest of me isn't covered in them."

"Way to be creepy about it." I just smiled and stuck out my tongue.

"This is going to be a long ride." Reaper said to Trent who laughed sarcastically.

The drive was overall uneventful. We stopped a few times to fill up on gas and junk food. But over all, we just bickered and sang random songs way to loud. It was actually kinda fun.

We finally got to the hotel around seven and checked into our rooms. Reaper and Trent to one, Duncan and I to another. What could go wrong? I personally thought that it was a cruel joke, but no one else seemed to mind. At least I got my own bed.

As soon as I got into my room, I threw my bag onto the floor and dropped my body onto the bed. It smelled like bleach and the blanket was an awful floral pattern, but right now all I wanted to do was wrap myself in it like a cocoon and sleep forever.

"Hey, sunshine, we're going to get some food and see the sights. You coming or are you playing dead?" Duncan said, coming into the room and dropping his bags.

"I'm dead." my muffled voice replied. I didn't bother lifting my face off the bed to speak.

"Is that so?" He taunted. I could feel him walking over to my side of the room. He threw himself onto my bed dramatically and started poking at me.

"I pray this is not what you would do if you actually found a corps." I snorted.

"Only if it were yours, but I think I would be doing a different kind of poking."

"Eww!" I yelled and batted his hand away.

Duncan laughed and grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head. I let out a short gasp as he climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck.

"Oh, you like that?" He whispered, leaving a trail of goose bumps.

I nodded slowly and arched my back as he continued.

"Tell me that you like it." Duncan commanded and bit down on the spot between my neck and clavicle.

"Duncan!" I gasped again, causing him to grin into my neck.

There was a knock at the door and Trent yelled for us to hurry up or they would leave without us.

"Guess we'll have to save the rest of this for later." Duncan teased, pulling away from me slowly.


End file.
